Balancing Act

Grand Traverse Bay, MI

This week I’ve been up north. I’m on Lake Michigan with my parents, working during the day and soaking in the waterfront each sunrise and sunset. Earlier this year it was a dream, to be able to spend an entire week right on the water. This is where my people are from, early homesteaders who made a life in the rolling hills of the north-western side of Michigan, the land of lakes. The chilly north, where the weather changes on a dime and the lake reflects dozens of moods over a week’s time.

So much has changed this year, and in my gut, I knew I needed to return here. Where I spent my childhood summers camping and exploring. To reconnect with the lake, the tall firs, and birch trees, and with myself.

In so many ways the lake reflects my experience of life. I’ve been here for a week and every single day the water is different. Some days it’s calm and grey, others choppy and bright blue. There are storms that roll through, knocking over the cairns created by strangers who walked here before me, and blowing chairs down the beach. Some days it’s a palette of calm gray on gray, and the others it’s deep turquoise. Some days I can sit out here and bask in the warmth, other days I have on three layers and a hood and I’m still chilled to the bone. This is the state of life, never the same from day to day. It’s all about how we move through the ever-changing weather, and how we re-balance ourselves.

As some of you may know, it’s been six months since I stepped down as co-owner of the UnInc. In this season, as well as others, it’s been easy for me to get trapped by a narrative that says - you are doing it wrong, something is missing in you. You have had so many endings and so many transitions in your life. I look back at the last 20 years and I see 3 business partnerships that have ended, as well as a marriage, and several really significant life-partner relationships. I see the cities I have loved and moved on from. I see the twists and turns that my career has taken. Then I look around me, and I see my parents who have been married for 50 years and still live in the same home I grew up in. They honor longevity, and I have always wanted the same thing too. But it has not been my path. And slowly I am seeing what I’m meant to learn.

I want to shift the narrative. I don’t want to buy into the idea that one path is better or more valuable than another. I don’t want to accept the idea that a long marriage or business partnership is better than a series of shorter relationships, each with its own lessons and growth. I want to honor the balancing act, and the art of transition in life. From one season to the next, from one moment in balance to a moment of falling apart. The art of accepting that a season has ended, or a relationship has irreversibly changed.

Leaving the beloved business that I built with Ben has been a massive transition to move through these past months, but I am now feeling re-balanced. I am focused on evolving my consulting business, Impact Haven. Growing my client base, supporting founders and business owners as they pivot or launch new ventures. Translating their ideas to reality, making them real through branding, websites, writing, online products and educational spaces. As time goes on I’m also reconnecting with my personal mission, which is to support other women as they take risk and step out to build their own ventures. I don’t know what the expression of that will look like next, but I’m excited to find out.

So, as I process all of this transition, I ask myself - what is true?

I am enough. And my journey is beautiful. With all of its endings and new beginnings, with all of its grief, with all of the twists and turns.

The balancing act, the resilience, the art of re-balancing after I feel tossed or toppled over by change or loss, is a beautiful gift earned through a life full of transitions.

I asked a new friend of mine recently how he finds balance in his busy days. He said that when he finishes a task or a project, he pauses and meditates. Then, when he is told, he continues on to the next thing. It resonates so much with me. Much of the last 6 months has been pausing for me. Waiting to know when to move. And in what direction. Sitting in the discomfort, processing the losses, and the fears. Wondering if and when it will feel right to share pieces of my story.

To each of you who may be facing your own next moves, questioning what’s next, I want to remind you of this. You have it. You have the ability to slow down, listen, and move when the time is right. There’s no shame in balancing, and re-balancing, as many times as you need to. It’s a gift, to learn this practice. There’s a ceremony and a beauty to re-stacking the stones on the beach after the storm, and watching the sun come out again.

Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water

Repeat Stress Injury

Sometimes, as founders and creators, it's hard to know when to stop. Not only does it take hustle and drive to create the life that you want, and the change you want to see in the world, it's also hard to slow down.

A number of years ago I was forced to stop running by a repeat-stress injury. I had developed plantar fasciitis from running every single morning on the river, on old shoes. And from not understanding what a tight achilles can do to your entire foot and body. I was so upset, running was my happy place. My escape from my mind and from the stresses of life, not to mention the healthy body I loved. I looked for solutions online and researched, and finally came across a deep tissue massage practice. I went in, in so much pain, hoping for a solution.

That was when I met Beth. She was such a talented bodyworker, healer, and teacher. Over the next few months, she worked on my achilles, and soon the pain was gone. I would return to her often over the years, she taught me everything I know about fascia, and how to reverse the tightness of a repetitive motion like running or working at a laptop. When I'd return she'd reflect on my hard work, smirking and telling me that my fascia had never felt better, lol.

She passed away last week suddenly, from a stroke. I got a message from her sons. It was a shock to everyone. And it hit me, I will never get the chance to learn from her again. And I will never be on her table again either.

Here is my takeaway from dear Beth.

We all have repeat stress in our lives, and especially as creators, and as parents, we need to learn how to soften. How to reverse the tightness. And we need to know when it's time.

As 2021 came to an end, I promised myself I would find a way to slow down. To reverse the years of the toll that entrepreneurship and single parenting have taken on my body and my heart. I started asking myself the hard questions. What would it take to lose this weight, regain my balance, and move like me? The answer was simple but hard to accept. It was time to let go of Un.Inc. It was time to leave my partnership with my co-founder Ben Gibson, and to allow him to take the company into its next season.

Those of you who have walked with me these years know how dear Un.Inc is and has been to me. It is the sincerest and most meaningful business baby I have ever birthed and nurtured. It has also been a labor of love, needing more financial support and time than it has ever given back to me these 6 years.

As my dear wise friend Laura Shook once told me when she was letting go of her beautiful coworking space:

"I need to allow her to become what she's meant to become next."

I watched her move through that season with such grace, and I hope I can do the same now.

Through my journey to build and grow Un.Inc, I have always maintained my consulting business, Impact Haven. I have quietly built dozens of brands and websites, and that work has not only paid my bills, it has funded Un.Inc more than once.

Now, it is my sincere pleasure to simplify in this season. To focus on growing Impact Haven. To nurture the intentional collaborations I am forming, to continue to facilitate the birth of new brands and new products for my clients. And most of all, to honor my body. She has been yearning to rest, to become stronger and healthier again, and to soften.

Austin, TX 02.22.22

Under Construction

It’s spring-time in Texas. I just moved my little family to a new apartment a few weeks ago. People keep asking me, why did you move? More space for my daughter, more greenbelt for my dog, and a home office for me, I say. And most of all, my old neighborhood (Riverside) was turning into a construction zone. 

Well. I was saying that. Until I moved into my new place and discovered some construction equipment outside my patio. What’s this about? I inquired, highly skeptical. Ladders. Scaffolding. Wheelbarrows. Oh, that! The gal at the office was happy to inform me that they were rebuilding my patio, and the two floors above me, starting soon. Starting when, I said? Soon, she said. 

I was filled with a sense of irony and dread. Seriously? I just moved here from a literal construction zone. She just smiled politely at me. 

The following week the construction began. Boards went up over the bottom half of my big patio doors. The banging and the drilling started. Demo time. I had some big choices to make. Namely, was I going to live through the construction? Or was I going to evacuate daily to work and for my daughter to do school? What about my blessed sunset hour each night? I had so been looking forward to quiet nights on my new private patio. 

Under the vibrations of frustration and anger, and of course self pity, I heard a whisper. 

Take up space Liz. Inhabit the community and space you’re in. 

And so I did. I moved my patio set out to the back yard behind my building, and let my neighbors know they were welcome to use it. I hung my curtains so I could have privacy during the hours of construction work. I vowed to get up earlier so I could have my morning silence before it began every morning. I made a point to introduce myself to the lead of the construction crew and asked him not to play music so loudly during work hours, told him that we were working inside these walls too. He was very accommodating. Each night after work I put Hazelnut on a leash and pour myself a glass of wine and we go sit in the shared back yard, starting at the sunset.

And so life goes on, under construction. Sometimes the racket on my zoom calls is just as loud as it was at my desk in my bedroom on Riverside, with the high rises going up and all the neighbors packed into the community nearby. Sometimes it’s so rattling, and especially on days when I feel like I am not on my game and I am feeling vulnerable. I want to present this perfect put-together image to the world from my desk. I want those post-reveal HGTV vibes. But most of the time, it looks more like demo-day.

Here’s the thing I am realizing in this season. It’s a loud and needed lesson for me. We are often under construction. Sometimes of our own choice. Sometimes, it just starts up all around us. I know I have been for the last few years, on both fronts. I want to hide away, until the construction is done. 

But we don’t have to run, or be embarrassed by it. We can choose to pull out a patio chair, pour ourselves a drink and welcome the construction. 

We can take a deep breath. And embrace it. 

Falling In Love With The In-Between

As I sit at my tiny desk, at my bedroom window, in my apartment off Riverside in South East Austin, it’s anything but quiet. I hear the racket of my neighbors and their dogs squabbling. The high pitched conversations between my 7th grader and her classmates on her zoom call in the next room. My own little dog, barking at the mailman. The hum of the AC unit. Between the disruptions, I hear the quiet song of my windchime, hanging right outside my window. Always the same. Peaceful. Hopeful. Steady.

This is a season of in-betweens. Between pre-covid and the aftermath. Between the last 4 years, and the election. Between summer and fall. Between one normal and the next. I know most of us are wondering where our last plan went, or what the next one is.

As creators, we know the pivot well. We are accustomed to it. Time for a new framework, we realize it easily. Sometimes, if we look at it in just the right light, it can be invigorating. Even when we didn’t ask for it. Sometimes it feels more like the Upside Down in Stranger Things than anything else. Everything is covered in goo, and you can’t figure out how to get back.

One of my favorite things about my work at The Un.Inc, is the chance to bring inspiration to my fellow founders and creators, in the form of real raw stories. By the end of 2020 more than 80 mentors will have participated online this year in live sessions on Un.Inc Campus. Each of them bring their own unique take on the journey, and how they have made it through their own in-betweens.

This month we’ve started releasing sessions, recorded live and produced in house. I wanted to share a few snippets of some of our first recordings, done early this year, right as COVID was setting in. I hope they give you new perspective, new energy, and most of all, I hope they help you fall in love with the in-between. After all, that’s where the magic happens.

Un.Inc Life Podcast on Spotify

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite authors.

“Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid.”
~ Pema Chödrön

Enough

suddenly last night
it hit me
after just enough wine
and hours of conversation

here's the lie
that's been holding me captive
plain as day

that I am not allowed
to define my own epicenter
that I must follow the normal way

date. marry. move in.
make my lover my epicenter
build my life around him

but that's a lie
I am allowed to invent my own story
I am the only one in my way

and years ago, I chose my craft and my dreams
I chose to put that first
for 20 years I have spent my life on this craft, of holding space.

but I keep feeling pulled back by lies that say, that's not enough.
you aren't doing it right.

it's just not true
I have chosen my craft first
and that is enough

I am here for the beautiful souls
who co-create change in the world with me
they are my life
and I am here for Ben
my partner in this mission

It's time to stop giving energy to the noise
stop trying to tee up a plan b
to satisfy the elusive "everyone"
when I know damn well
it's not my focus.

it's time to walk around in the world
like I know that this is enough.
in fact it's more
than I even dreamed for

it's time to set myself free

I am here to hold space
and it is enough

In The Twilight

For several months now I’ve been up before dawn. Waaaay before dawn, like 3am. Those of you who know me well know I am not a morning person. But I’m a new puppy mom so it’s really not been up to me. First, I fought it. Asking myself “why why do I have to be up so EARLYYY?” It took me back to my early days when Sydney was first born, and those sleepless nights nursing her.

Then I started to get curious. And ask questions. What if I was given this time on purpose? What would it be for? I sat in my writing chair, and wondered. What am I being shown? And because writing is my most familiar way through, I began to write. Processing 2019 and all it’s crazy ups and downs.

I looked up the sunrise schedule. Mostly to figure out, how many more hours and minutes until I get relief from this inky silence? And alongside the sunrise schedule I found another schedule — it outlined the time each day that first light appears. This is the point at which the sun first starts to create a glow in the morning, or the last light we see after the sun sets at night.

twi·light (n)
- the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon
- a period or state of obscurity, ambiguity

I know that my work, my soul’s work, is mean to be done in the pre-dawn. Before the light. To hold space for founders as they move through the darkness for the first time. To believe for them, until they believe in themselves. With each cohort, with each founder I meet, they ask me for a light, or a path of some kind.

I can’t give them the path, but I can teach them to walk in the dark.

To dig deep, to carry their intent with them and to put one foot in front of the other, until they see the first light.

This twilight work is a repeating pattern in our lives as founders and creators. We can’t change it. But we can embrace it as practice. we can learn not to shame ourselves for stumbling in the darkness. feeling lost, alone, confused and scared. This is the founder journey, and the darkness is our teacher.

 — — 

Looking for resources as you start or grow your venture? 

We’re in beta with Un.Inc Campus — our online campus for intentional founders. We serve members online and we’re grounded in coworking spaces around the world. We close the gap for first time founders as they look for a path to build their ventures. 

Membership is $18/mo and your first month is free with code 1STMOFREE at www.theuninc.com/join-campus 

Please, Breathe

As I walk into 2020, I find myself single again. And this time, perhaps for the first time, I’m savoring it. I have always been a believer in the beauty and healing power of monogamy, and in partnership as the ultimate spiritual path. And I still am. So it’s challenging to walk this piece of the journey alone. But I have learned a lot from my last year’s relationship. I believe each person in our lives is meant to teach us more about ourselves and bring us closer to our intent. And for that I am grateful.

For those of you who are familiar with the practice of yoga, you’ll probably recognize yourself in this scenario. You find yourself on your mat, flowing and moving with your breath. Suddenly, you notice that the person next to you is flowing in sync with you, and you are really into it. You stop focusing on your breath, maybe you even stop breathing completely. Then, suddenly you loose your balance. Wobbly and a bit lost you try to regain your footing.

Here’s the thing. We forget to focus on our own breathe. I know I forgot to breathe at all, many times in this last relationship. I was so into the mirror I was being shown, and the potential I saw that I lost track of my own breath.

I believe it’s not about how long your yoga practice is, or how long your relationship lasts. It’s about the quality of your breath, the quality of your attunement to your own heart throughout the experience. Can you maintain your slow steady grounding breath alone, when your partner appears, and as they leave? Can you maintain it when you can’t hear them at all?

So this season I am determined to focus on the quality of my breath, on and off my mat. And to stop trying so hard, to let it unfold, one moment at a time.

To Be A Dreamer...

As the sun sets, the big upstairs room is quiet. Each founder has found a corner, journal in hand. Tonight the prompt I gave them was “What does it mean to be a dreamer?”

This is core to our mission at The Un.Inc, to model what it means to believe. To recommit each moment to the journey. It means getting back up when you get knocked down. It means choosing belief over and over again. It means willingness to be vulnerable. It means wearing your heart on your sleeve. It means being tough enough to handle rejection too, and strong enough in your own intent to continue to pursue your path no matter what obstacles come your way.

This cohort is special. All so intentional and focused. Walking alongside each other, rallying with each other.

I bring them back to the big table to share what they have explored. What they shared was so inspiring that I asked them if I could share their responses.

We so often struggle with owning our journeys as dreamers, continuing to show up raw and real. May this inspire you on your own path:

• To be a dreamer it takes guts, imagination, intuition, consciousness. It is a spiritual evolution and an adventure into the unknown. It’s a natural call from your spirit. It’s a gift that is given to you so that in turn you can give it back to the world.

• Dreaming is remaining steadfast to our vision with fortitude and resilience regardless of challenges or others (dis)approvals

• To be a dreamer means being a deviant

• To be a dreamer you must be:

  • resilient

  • hopeful

  • curious

  • gutsy

Around Away

The last year has been truly a period of testing for me. I'm sure many of you can relate. Sometimes we are given small tests, other times we are tested on every single level, all at once. Sometimes it feels insurmountable. And we beg God or the universe to let it all go back to "normal". But, there is no normal. There is only constant change, constant growth, and the ever challenging experience of staying true to ourselves.

One of my favorite authors, Pema Chödrön says this:

"To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again."

2018 was a year of willingness for me. Willingness to let the Un.Inc die in it's last form, in hopes that it would return anew. Willingness to let my romantic relationship with Ben die, as he came out as bisexual and embraced. Willingness to let my lifestyle die, as I chose to move onto the land into a humble half-finished tiny house. There were many days and nights spent alone on our 9 acres, missing our community and missing comforts, believing that just being present was enough.

In that no-man's-land of letting go, I stepped into 2019 with hope. And new life has arisen, in every single category of my life. All at once. Almost as though to prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt, that death leads to new life.

I sit here writing this in my new apartment off Riverside. I'm seated at the old co-working desk from 35th Street. My daughter and her best friend are playing in her bedroom, home with me for the summer before they start junior high. My large living room is empty, my tiny-house furniture looks comical in this big space. I am slowly moving in, making home again.

I woke up this morning with my new boyfriend, so grateful for the synergy and sweetness between us. It hits me today, that I prayed for him almost a decade ago, long before we met, when I was moving through a very painful divorce. God, I said, please send me a man that matches me in spirit, in commitment and in passion. A man that has worked as hard on himself as I have worked on myself, and who can truly walk alongside me. Since that prayer I've walked through several relationships, and some very painful endings. And suddenly this year, as if on queue, JaJuan Sanábria walked into the frame. He has been in my life as a creative collaborator and cohort alum for the past few years, but I never knew we would come together. He has more bravery and intent than I could possibly have imagined, and I'm enjoying every second of our new relationship.

A gift from one of our tiny home builders, a 2ft x 2 ft tiny house built out of framing, hangs on my wall. I've filled it with lights, and hung it as a constant reminder of my own willingness to let go, and my strength to continue with my intent.

This afternoon I'll head into our new office at Soma Vida. Ben and I will continue to work on our mission, to provide safe spaces and resources for change makers. West Texas Pride is around the corner, a chance to bring openness to a place that needs some.

Soon we'll be launching Un.Inc programming and events again in Austin at Soma Vida. I am so eager to facilitate cohorts and classes, to host creative events and happy hours, and to hold space again. Our partnership with Laura at Soma has allowed us to dream bigger this year. We have access to the outdoor stage and patio, large event and co-working space, and the energy of healing that permeates her space. I couldn't be more grateful for this open door and her trust in us.

Sydney wrote a poem last year, and this line continues to ring in my mind:

My mom creates the sky

by opening her fists

I know many of you find yourselves in a place of letting go, or death in some form or another. Remember this, your willingness and intent is enough. There will always be another season. I promise. Open your fists, stand firm, believe.

UnBecoming

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
”

---

Spring has arrived on the land. Acres of wildflowers. The grass is growing so quickly I can barely see our patio furniture. As the season blooms, so is the Un.Inc. But no blooming comes easily.

Many of you have watched us struggle from a distance, and some dear ones, from up close. A year ago we moved Un.Inc out to our 9 acres and launched into our efforts to build housing, studio space and community out here. Over the year we’ve had so many amazing moments, hosted and stayed up late talking with hundreds of dreamers. We’ve also struggled to make it work. And we’ve been shown that this is not our next path to our dream. We are still holding on to intent to create community out here, but as the year turned Ben and I decided it was time to let go of the land as our “home base” and see what other paths might arise. And we waited.

Within weeks a completely new avenue opened up. I reached out to long-time partner and co-conspirator Laura Shook who is the founder of Soma Vida on East Cesar Chavez. We met up. Together we hatched a plan to combine her established coworking community for healers and wellness professionals with our programming for impact founders. We are envisioning growing inside her space, serving creators of all kinds and launching a new season of our programming there. Her vision and ours align and the opportunity to open a campus with her is so aligned.

None of this would have evolved if we had not let go of the land as our focal point. Keeping our dream alive and adapting to the many ways to get there has been very challenging and at times heart breaking. But this is the practice of impact founders, and the more times we fail and let go the more we become masters of this Un.Inc Life.

Ben is serving as the property manager at Soma and he’s developing a 2 year version of our curriculum. I am developing our revenue model, building partnerships and designing collaborative strategies for both of our brands as we grow the membership and launch programming.

For those of you who are wondering, we aren’t selling the land right now. We’re talking with several potential partners who want to lease the land and build their own intentional business here. It’s feels right, to pass the baton to another dreamer who wants to use this blank canvas to pursue their dreams. Perhaps in the future years we will find a way to create our vision alongside them. Meanwhile, the magic continues.

Confidently Lost

There is a knowing
that comes from being lost
for just long enough
to lose your grounding

So lost that up is down and down is up
that familiar cannot be found
and newness is all there is

I’ve reached this new place
many times this summer
found myself doing dishes at the outdoor spigot
in the rain
singing to myself
talking to the dogs

found myself up on my own roof
looking around at the acres for miles and miles
and the big big sky
feeling so tiny
staying in that discomfort
softening into it

and knowing
that I’m lost
and found
all at once

(Title inspiration from Sabrina Claudio)

We Make It Real

We Make It Real

In the rise,
in the fall,
in the day by day,
in the walking, and running,
and in the act of believing
it is possible.

Without out belief
there would be no journey.
No triumph,
no pain,
no pursuit,
no glory.

Without you,
your dream is only a phantom.

Onward, Dreamer.

— —

We Make It Real

Dreamers are always being told they can’t. And for some of us, that fuels us even more. It fuels the journey, to create something meaningful, the struggle to combat the daily doubts, from within and without.

I’ve learned many things in the last 2 years of building The Un.Inc. Perhaps one of the most powerful, is that we make it real. By this, I mean that Ben and I have made the Un.Inc real, through our dedication, through continuing to show up even when we’re failing. Through leaky roofs, homelessness, pain, debt, and fear. Through dirty worn out shoes, even.

I want to take a moment to remind you this morning. You make it real. Each of you has a unique gift and vision, which can only come to life when you own it, pursue it, speak it. Without your belief and pursuit, it dies, or shrinks back into the shadows.

To each of you on this journey — we believe you have what it takes. We know you do.

Make it real, Dreamer.

Sit. Soften

I set an intention at the beginning of this year, to soften. And I started envisioning that softening could be powerful. I set the intent to fill up the spaces I inhabit with that softness. For myself, for my daughter, for my friends and loved ones, for the amazing creators around us, and even for strangers.

And guess what? It’s changing me. We have been through some incredibly dark and stressful times this year, especially this summer. Many times I have wanted to harden, to protect myself or to avoid pain. But instead of hardening, I keep catching myself and just whispering — soften.

Last week Ben and I got the first ever shipping container delivered to our land. It is a moment in time that I will always remember. He and I have held many spaces. Some of you might remember the YV Filmmaker Space on Riverside, Ben’s first space. Or 35th Street, our bungalow in Hyde Park. Now, we are setting out to hold space on our 9 acres. What I’m learning in this experience is that it’s not about the space. It’s about the souls who hold it. Here’s to another new beginning, the first studio shipping container space of many we’ll build.

I just discovered this line from the end of a Derek Walcott poem. It feels very appropriate in this season. No matter how scary things get, you can always soak in the moment.

Sit. Feast on your life. — Derek Walcott

If you’d like to follow Ben and I in our next season and be on the inside track as we build our 9 acres of dreams please consider supporting us monthly. It’s gonna be a hell of a ride :) https://www.patreon.com/theuninc

The Cliff, And The Fall From Normal

Nothing in life plays out as you may anticipate, or plan. And especially for those of us who choose to draw our own path. This month our theme at Un.Inc is Stepping In. Stepping into your path, your voice. Listening to that nudge, or loud prompt in your gut that says “this way!”

I’ve been listening to that nudge since I was 21, and moved to Belfast on a gut feeling to work with teen girls. It was the first time I chose what felt aligned, purely. I was passionate about working with youth, I was given the opportunity to go for a year — there was no pay, but there was free housing. So I took it.

Of course, when I returned to the States more than a year later, the distance between me and my family and friends seemed vast. I had gone on a grand adventure, and they had stayed in what had been my normal life. It was no longer normal for me.

I began to belong nowhere. As Brené Brown says in Braving the Wilderness,

“True belonging doesn’t require that we change who we are; it requires that we be who we are.” — Brené Brown

Soon after I returned I found myself applying to design schools on the east coast, the city was calling me. I left 6 months later and moved to Boston. Everything I owned fit in my little black Saturn.

It may be easy to read this and say to yourself, “that’s nice, your twenties are for exploration.” And that would be true. Also… I don’t think we are ever too old to answer the next call to go deeper into alignment with who we are meant to be. In fact, I think we get better and better at embracing it. Even when it feels more like falling, than walking.

In a few weeks I’ll turn 40. As I write this I’m sitting in a makeshift tiny house on a plastic chair, looking out on our land. The rains last night brought huge leaks in the ceiling and walls. My bed is wet. The floor is wet.

I moved out to our 9 acres two weeks ago with my 10 year old daughter. I planned to purchase this tiny home shell from the owner and make it my home. But that is not where this story leads. It would seem that I am not meant to pour my energy into making this home. I’m not sure what’s next, logistically. All I know is that groundlessness is no longer a reason for me to leave the path I’m meant to be on.

We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not knowing is part of the adventure, and it’s also what makes us afraid. — Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You

There’s something magical about sitting here, knowing that nothing will move me from my belonging to myself and my own mission. Anything is possible. And I believe that even as I wonder aloud how to resolve this situation, unseen forces are coming to my aid.

This is who I am. And living this intent to create safe spaces for other change makers like myself is the most fulfilling thing I can imagine. As you step into your own next adventure, I’d encourage you to enjoy it a little. Let a smirk form on your face, after all — nobody else can live this life — only you.

Permission to Pursue it All (#MeToo)

As I’ve looked at my facebook feed this last week I’ve been overwhelmed with sadness, watching so many women I know share the abuse they’ve endured in the workplace or their personal life. They are brave, and they are resilient. It strikes me that there is an incredibly deeply entrenched illnesses in our culture, and I want a cultural shift to happen faster than it has — for myself and the hundreds of women entrepreneurs I know, and especially for my 9 year old daughter.

With all of this running through my mind, I headed off to Vegas for the ABCKidsShow on Monday, with Debra Kallinikos, Un.Alum and all around badass woman founder. It’s been my honor to be alongside her this week as she launches her new backpack line, Animal Packers. This is one of the best parts of my role at The Un.Incubator, being part of a founder’s launch. As I’ve worked with her I’ve heard her stories of tenacity, and I’ve become more and more inspired by her compassion and grit.

What I assumed might be an exhausting experience, 3 days selling at a tradeshow, has turned out to be a week where I’ve regained hope. In the booth next to us we met Martin, Co-Founder of Katie Clemons, a wonderful children’s journal company. All week he has stood at his booth, sharing his wife’s story and selling her product. On the other side of us, a family-run business called Potty Boss that was started by their late mother and continues as her legacy. Over the last few days we’ve talked to dozens and dozens of buyers with stores around the country. I’ve never met so many working moms in one place before. I’ve also never seen so many couples who are business partners. This is a kids product show, and lots of theses moms have little ones. Their passion is their kids, and their stores or product lines are a reflection of that. It feels seamless. Their husbands are their business partners and life partners.

I guess as a mom and an entrepreneur I am always looking for examples of this fully integrated life. And I’m always looking for examples of men who truly partner with their wives. So often in the startup scene I see the opposite. I meet women that have kids but don’t feel comfortable bringing that up in a business setting. We talk about it, but they often hide it from colleagues or investors, because it would make them seem less qualified or be taken less seriously. This is the cultural light in which so many women are seen — we don’t talk about it but it’s always there. The unspoken pressure to keep your “family stuff” to yourself. Stay in your lane. Perform. It lacks all the integration of female thinking, and it sets the stage for discrimination to be a norm.

Since we started The Un.Incubator I’ve always had my daughter in and around our office and coworking space. At first I did it, out of a desire to have an integrated life. Then I started realizing that it truly matters to the other women in our space. Here they can share stories about their kids and the balancing act of it all. It is acceptable, because I hold the space for it to be. This is a kind of power I take to heart, it matters.

All week I’ve watched as Debra meets and chats with other women founders. They share their passion for their kids, and their work, it’s all connected. Nothing is off the table. It is a reminder to me, that as women, we can have it all. We can choose to run a business where we get to express ourselves as parents, business owners and partners. We can set the tone. I envision a future were this is no longer rare, but instead it’s common. It takes grit, and it takes the clarity to choose to work with men who are truly awake to the challenges and invested in co-creating that change.

So to each of you who may be feeling as I do, saddened by the overwhelming signs of abuse in our culture, here’s my reminder to you — and to myself. You have permission, to be super picky about who you work with. Permission to exit, from a partnership or relationship that doesn’t match your values, or at worst takes advantage of you. You have permission to say no to investors who might offer money but also perpetuate the bullying abusive culture. You have permission to set the tone, and not put up with anything less than your vision for your life and the lives of your kiddos.

What's Your Type?

I cannot count how many times I've been asked that question, especially in the years since my daughter was born. As if there's only one kind I'd be attracted to. It never made sense to me, because even as a kid when I left the house each day I went to school in a mixed elementary school where I was a minority. I learned to make friends with people from all types of backgrounds and ethnicities. I was bullied. I was excluded for being different. And I'm grateful for this, because as I grew up I learned how to spot my people - not by race but by their kindness, their openness and their authenticity. 

So when people ask me what my type is, this is what I tell them: 

My type isn't black, or white or brown

He isn't straight, or gay

He doesn't fit in a box

My type is a man who is gentle, and strong

Who loves people

Who gets inspired

Who lives his passion 

Who leads by example

Who shows the fuck up

Who commits and means it

Who loves all of me

And most of all

Who holds space for others

to find themselves

and to live without seeing types.

Fuck Yes

One year ago today was my last day as COO of 121Giving. At the time, I remember feeling like I was jumping off a cliff with no parachute. I just knew it was what I needed to do.

I had spent 5 years building 121Giving, from scratch, with my then co-founder. I helped take it from a logo and a powerpoint diagram, to $1M in funding and a fully sustaining business. Through lots and lots of hurdles, including incubators, pitching, fundraising, launching, acquiring customers, and most complex of all, navigating team and relationships. 

In that 5 years I went from thinking of myself as a designer and marketer who was helping build the brand for a startup, to an entrepreneur who really had what it took to weather the storms. I found a way to embrace the power I have always had, resilience and consistency. And I started to own it. I mean, really own it. 

I could give you a sob story about how hard it was to do all this work, and endless nights and weekends, the sacrifices and all that. And they would all be true. But what hits me today as I think back to where I was a year ago, is that I'm really fucking proud of myself for realizing that chapter was done and moving the fuck on. I learned what I was meant to learn, and the challenges had become unhealthy. Toxic really. 

As the near year turned in 2016 I found myself asking this question - is this leading to where I want to go in my future? Can my partner support me in reaching my full potential? And the answer, sadly, was no. It was a very hard decision to step down as COO. I had built the business from scratch, and invested personally and professionally. I felt accountable to everyone; my co-founder, my team, and most of all our nonprofit customers. I had no idea what the future held without that work. But ultimately, I realized after lots of soul searching that I was very done.

One of my favorite authors, Mark Manson, wrote a wonderfully honest blog post a while back called Fuck Yes or No and in it he described how you should not be in any relationship, business or professional, unless it's a "fuck yes" for you. That hit me hard because it rang so true. When I made the choice to leave, my co-founder was very upset and angry. Frankly have never felt more alone. I went through months of deep sadness about the end of our professional relationship and friendship. But ultimately, I still felt clear that this was the right choice for me. 

As I left and began Haven last spring, dozens of mentors and supporters came to my aid. I found a space to host our early workshops, and I took the leap to move into a tiny home in Hyde Park with my daughter. Then, I discovered a shared passion for this safe space and incubator concept in my dear friend Ben Gibson, the Founder of Youvolution. We had met a year before, on the street at SXSW. He filmed the first video for my last business and had become a trusted collaborator over that year.2

This photo was taken at NewCo 2015, a few months after we met. Here I am, standing between my co-founder at the time (right) and my future co-founder (left). Little did I know!  

Fast forward to spring 2016 - Ben and I began searching for a space to open together, and we became increasingly discouraged as we found place after place that didn't match our budget or our vision for the right tone. We wanted a homey, authentic place that we could welcome people into. Then, magically it seemed, the house in front of my tiny home became available. We leapt and took it, merging our business operations and routines.

Now, 9 months later, I have the integrated life I've always dreamed of. My 9-year-old daughter gets to be there as I run Haven and The Un.Incubator, and I no longer spend my life driving from place to place feeling guilty about either shirking my parenting or business duties. None of this would have been possible if I had not made these two momentous and risky choices; to leave my previous startup role, and face the negative responses all around me, and to start Haven, sharing my needs and asking for help from everyone in my network.

Late last year Ben and I began collaborating on his vision for Novo, a 9-acre plot of land we intend to develop as an intentional tiny-home community for social entrepreneurs. (below)

We spent this weekend out on Novo preparing for our June 1 opening - we showed our first residents the land and shared our dreams. It was an incredible feeling to realize all that has transpired in just one year. We have an urban space on 35th Street full of 20 social entrepreneurs and the beginnings of our future vision out on the land. And, on a personal level, in one year I have gone from incredibly isolated as a single mom and entrepreneur, to the fullest life I have ever experienced. 

Things have not been easy, financially or emotionally. And if you ask me about it, I promise I'll tell you the real deal. But, if you are feeling stuck or unsatisfied I would challenge you to think about this - what do you crave? What would bring you joy? As one of our mentors, Ann Fry, likes to say. What would you do, if you knew you would not fail?

If you are in a relationship, whether it's personal or work-related, that's keeping you from being the original soulful beautiful human you were born to be, if it's not a fuck yes - you might need to consider a change. Trust me, it'll be worth it. You're bolder than you think. 

Risk Being Fully Yourself

This week we've been hosting dinners each night to kick off our new cohorts at the Un.Incubator. The food is simple and the premise is too - let's connect and let's get to know one another. Let's be present. Let's listen. Let's see what evolves, if we bring dreamers around a table and hold the space for them to share, risk and create.

This is our 3rd quarter of the Un.Incubator and the first time that I have been filled with such creative excitement. Because building this business is teaching me to trust more, risk more, love more, and most of all to be present more. With each new dreamer I meet, I become more and more courageous. To each of you, thank you for bringing your heart and soul with you. For being willing to re-invent over and over, in pursuit. For teaching me each day. It is lonely and often deeply mortifying to risk financially, professionally, and personally to live into your dreams and bring them to life. To create what you have never seen. But there is nothing else I can imagine doing with my life.

I opened one of my favorite books this morning for a visit to several dog-eared pages. This quote jumped out at me, stronger now than ever in my life:

"The gifts you have been given in this life do not belong to you alone. They belong to everyone. Do not be selfish and withhold them. Don't imprison yourself in a lifestyle that holds your spirit hostage and provides no spontaneity or grace in your life. Risk being yourself fully. Let go of the expectations others have for you and get in touch with what brings you the greatest joy and fulfillment. Live from the inside out, not from the outside in." - Paul Ferrini

Because We're Stronger Together

Last week I marched in the Women's March on Austin, alongside an estimated 50K other people. And most importantly, alongside my partner in impact, Ben. There he was, with a pink Dreamer t-shirt on, camera in hand, chanting and supporting all the women who came out. I kept looking around me, at the men in the crowd. And it felt so empowering. To have their support. To know that so many men were there, despite perhaps a sense of awkwardness, to support the women in their lives.

This, is what matters. Strong women, dreamers, those pursuing activism or art or any form of impact - they deserve to be uplifted, to be championed. And although I value the beautiful sweetness that comes from women supporting women, I want to make a point with my work at Impact Haven, to show men how important their role is too. There is nothing like the feeling of living to your fullest possible potential in the moment, expressing your voice and your talent and your fire. And there is nothing that compares to feeling supported by a man while doing that.

All around me at the march I saw this happening. Women chanting for their rights and equality, and men chanting with them. Men starting chants, in support of women. It was electric, the atmosphere at the capitol. I saw the look on the men's faces, looks of pride and honor.

So this is what I want to say about Impact Haven and the future of this brand. We are not just a space for women. We never have been. We are a space for dreamers, change makers and misfits. Because let's be honest, those usually go together :) We welcome anyone who resonates with our intent to empower change and impact, in Austin. 

Impact Haven and the Un.Incubator would not have gone from an idea to a building full of energy with the momentum and strength we already have as a community, if it were not for the men who have shown up to nurture and strengthen us. Men play a huge role in impact, both as leaders and as champions. To the men who mentor, teach, and support this program, I cannot thank you enough.

2017 is going to be a huge year for us, full of growth and pursuit and probably plenty of fear too.

I hope you'll join us, because we are stronger together.

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Interested in joining our next cohort and building your impact idea into a business?  Applications are open until February 15th, and we'd love to meet you! Apply here.

Looking for a space to meet or cowork? We have openings, and it's super affordable at $75/month. Sign up to cowork or just drop by for the day for $5.

Talking Circles: Different Paths to a Shared Place

Guest Post by Meghan Williams

For four nights a week, Impact Haven is filled with groups of entrepreneurs ready to roll up their sleeves and make 2017 their year, the year they take ideas for social change and bring them to life. Sitting in a tight circle with our notebooks out we start each night off by catching up with everyone while secretly wondering what assignment we are going to get that day. Is it going to be a challenging night? How vulnerable will I have to be? Will I have my “aha!” moment?

But that’s why we are all here, taking on the challenges the Un.Incubator brings to us each week. We’re here to be vulnerable and to dig deep. Some of us are at different stages: too many passions, but no cohesive concept or an innovative business idea that lacks structure. And every single one of us has a different passion with a different outcome in mind. So, how will this work for me as an individual with my own plan? It’s easy. Surround yourself with motivated people, and you will be motivated. Surround yourself with creative people who want to make a difference, and you will be inspired. Surround yourself with entrepreneurs in similar phases, and you will find empathy and support.

Recently, I read Gloria Steinem’s book On the Road and was inspired by her stories about talking circles. As she discussed the impact that witnessing and participating in these circles around the world has had on her life and her community organizing, I kept thinking about all of the sharing and supporting that occurs during Un.Incubator sessions. These sessions are just that, fire-side-like chats full of expressing ourselves freely, guiding each other through solutions, and formulating smart and effective actions.

“some deep part of me was being nourished and transformed right along with the villagers”

I have experienced that same feeling Steinem had when she discovered the significance and necessity of talking circles in moving change forward. If it weren’t for the conversations within the supportive circles the Un.Incubator offers, I would not have developed my idea into realistic action nor would I have had the courage to pursue it like I am doing this year. I started with the Un.Incubator in the fall with no clue which of my passions I wanted to follow. Through the deep self-reflection activities I was able to narrow down my passions to a main idea and the fire started building inside me. It was then through the sharing and discussion of this idea with my peers that I began to visualize a business concept and the fire grew. Now, as I work through the second phase of the Un.Incubator with a new cohort I can begin to believe in this idea and that it will make a difference in the community.

“…nothing can replace being in the same space. […] we discover we’re not alone, we learn from one another, and so we keep going toward shared goals.”

It will be exciting to see where each of my fellow Un.Incubator members will be at the end of the year as well. I can see the fire in every single one of them. And I also see the struggle. But that’s why we form a circle each week and roll up our sleeves. Our ideas couldn’t be more different: from filmmaking, art curating, fair trade, alternate currency, ending human trafficking, to eco traveling. Yet our end result is the same: social change. So, watch out 2017, we’re changing things up a bit. We are motivated. We are inspired. And we have found community.