Last fall I found myself sitting in a therapist's office, talking about my relationship struggles and my professional struggles, which seemed to be converging into one big theme. The men in my life were threatened by me. The men who I worked with wanted to tamper down my voice, as if it diminished their power. The environments I was in were male-dominated and it felt there was no space for me to be a strong, committed, powerful woman or for me to grow. The men I dated were interested, and then they shrunk away and disappeared once I shared with them my vision or ideas for change.
Woefully I described this to the therapist. She looked at me with a knowing look and said, "Maybe it's time for you to stop catering to the men in your life. Do what's in your heart! Men who resonate with your powerful presence and your passion will appear, if you chart your own path."
I wrote it down in my journal. And I went home, and thought to myself "nope...hell nope!" Then, I processed it a bit over the following weeks and realized, it was exactly what I needed to do. Shit. It set in.
I started choosing differently. At first it was really painful. Choosing to express my vision and passion, without reservations for the first time. I'll be honest, it created a shit storm in my personal and professional life. This is not a great pep talk yet, I realize :)
But slowly, surely, I started to notice new people appearing in my path. Men who not only resonated with my passion and powerful intent for Haven, but who wanted to help me bring it to life.
Following my passion and my desires, I left the startup I had helped bring to life 5 years before and launched Haven. I asked for help. All the time! I shared my vision, without reservations. And doors started opening, easily. I found a partner who supported me by offering me event space for the summer. I found other collaborators who helped me shape my approach. And magically, it seemed, another partner who wanted to open a co-creating coworking space with me.
Here we are, 3 months after I started practicing this new way of being, and I'm sitting at Haven watching this dream of mine come to life. It has happened so much faster and so much more effortlessly than I anticipated. I'm still waiting for the reality to sink in.
Ladies, if you're wishing that you didn't threaten the men in your life, all I can say is use your powerful heartfelt voice! Burn and blaze away! And the people who are meant to be there for your journey will appear.
To each of the men who has helped propel me, support me, and continue to rally with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have met so many women with big dreams and powerful unique voices, and they each deserve to be supported like I have been and am.
Men, if you have a badass powerful spirit in your life (or more than one!), get alongside her and help her bring her vision to life. It will be one of the best investments you will ever make.